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Some things have to be believed to be seen.

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A cucumber should be well-sliced, dressed with pepper and vinegar, and then thrown out.

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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.

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It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

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Life is just a bowl of pits.

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Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

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Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

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I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

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I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.

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