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The notes I handle no better than many pianists. But the pauses between the notes--ah, that is where the art resides!

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When I am asked, "What do you think of our audience?" I answer, "I know two kinds of audiences only--one coughing, and one not coughing."

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Ah! the clock is always slow;
It is later than you think.

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I never resist temptation because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

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We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it.

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Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true.

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I am a Millionaire. That is my religion.

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Alcohol is a very necessary article... It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

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He knows nothing; and he thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

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There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

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