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Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record.

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We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them.

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The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.

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There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

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What happens when the future has come and gone?

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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

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Household tasks are easier and quicker when they are done by somebody else.

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Without the aid of prejudice and custom I should not be able to find my way across the room.

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An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

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America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up.

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