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The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

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Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think.

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Morality is simply the attitude we adopt toward people we personally dislike.

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Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.

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I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning.

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Democracy is a process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame.

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Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.

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Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

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The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

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I detest converts almost as much as I do missionaries.

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