Today jokes
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Morris was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said 'N I L'. White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The Great Nullity ,The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. Morris turned to a white-robed observer beside him and wispered, .... ...... "Is Nothing Sacred?"
The congregation was sitting and waiting for the preacher to began his sermon when two masked men burst into the church and said "Whoever is not willing to take a bullet for Jesus better leave now." More than half of the congregation jumped up and ran out the door. The two men took off their masks, sat in the front row and said, "Okay, Reverend, you can preach now. All the hyprocrites are gone."
What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man? A door to door salesman!
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
How do Religious Education teachers mark exams? With spirit levels.
Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage? Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.' Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another? Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'
Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.
At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve.
What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar? He raised Cain.