Today jokes
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What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!
What has antlers, pulls Father Christmas' sleigh and is made of cement? I don't know. A reindeer! What about the cement? I just threw that in to make it hard.
What do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe ? A long necked toothbrush !
What's black and white and makes a lot of noise? A zebra with a set of drums.
What do you get if you cross a zebra with an ape man? Tarzan stripes forever.
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper
How do you weigh a whale? On Whale Weigh Scales.
What is the best advice to give a worm? Sleep late.
A family of tortoises went into a cafe for some ice cream. They sat down and were about to start when Father Tortoise said, "I think it's going to rain. Junior, will you pop home and fetch my umbrella?" So off went junior for Father's umbrella, but three days later he still hadn't returned. "I think, dear," said Mother Tortoise to Father Tortoise, "that we had better eat junior's ice cream before it melts." And a voice from the door said, "If you do that I won't go."
Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground. The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate. "Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."