Today jokes
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Did you hear about the monster who lost all his hair in the war? He lost it in a hair raid.
What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand? He went to the second-hand shop.
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag.
Why was the monster standing on his head? He was turning things over in his mind.
What do you get if you cross a tall green monster with a fountain pen? The Ink-credible Hulk.
Did you hear about the Irish monster who went to night school to learn to read in the dark?
Why did the monster take his nose apart? To see what made it run.
What happened when the monster stole a bottle of perfume? He was convicted of fragrancy.
On her annual visit to another planet, an old lady turns to the cabin steward and says. "I hope this spaceship doesn't travel faster than sound. "Why?" replies the cabin steward. "Because my friend and I want to talk, that's why."
Mr Monster: Oi, hurry up with my supper. Mrs Monster: Oh, do be quiet I've only got three pairs of hands.