Today jokes
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What do you get when you cross a Jehova's witness with a business man? A door to door salesman!
A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like. Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
How do Religious Education teachers mark exams? With spirit levels.
Examiner: I think you know very little, if anything at all, about the Bible. Can you quote any passage? Student: 'Judas departed and went and hanged himself.' Examiner: Well, that's a surprise. Can you quote another? Student: 'Go thou and do likewise.'
Jill: Have you read the Bible? Jack: No, I'm waiting for the film to come round.
What's black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.
At what time of day was Adam born? Just before Eve.
What did Adam do when he wanted some sugar? He raised Cain.
Who is the fastest runner in history. Adam - because he was the first in the human race.
Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back since!"