Today jokes
-
Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.
Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky? Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of the the sweetest interns I've ever had.
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"
President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip -- a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute. "I'd salute you back, Sergeant," says the President, "but as you can see, I've got my hands full." "Yes, sir," replies the sergeant. "Very nice pigs, sir. Very nice pigs." "Why, these aren't pigs," the President responds. "These are RAZORBACKS!" "Yes, sir -- razorbacks. Sorry, sir." "Yup," Clinton continues. "Got this one for Chelsea, and this one for Hillary." The sergeant replies: "Very good trade, sir -- very good trade."
Q: What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect? A: Everything's $100.
Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics.
Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years.
Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform.
Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.
Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling.