Today jokes
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What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards ? Best vicious of the season
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas ? A merry Christmas to ewe
Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I'm turning into an orange! Have you tried playing squash?
Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. What did he use to make it? Elf-raising flour, of course.
Last year's Christmas pudding was so awful I threw it in the ocean. That's probably why the ocean's full of currants!
What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.
ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.
What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.
If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called? A subordinate claus.
Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage? Because it has long-distance runners on each side.