Today jokes
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Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty? Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.
Patron: Didn't you tell me the chef here cooked for the late heads of Europe? Waiter: Yes, and that's why they are the late heads of Europe.
Patron: Hey, there's a fly in my soup! Waiter: Why are you complaining? Isn't it cooked?
Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
Patron: This bread is stale. Waiter: It wasn't last week.
Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass? Waiter: It scares away the flies.
Waiter (serving soup): It looks like rain today. Patron: Yes it does, but it smells like soup.
Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy, why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking.
Waiter: I'm sorry I spilled a glass of water on you. Diner: That's all right. My suit is too large anyway.
Waiter: I'm sorry to keep you waiting. Your soup will be ready soon. Customer: What bait are you using?