Today jokes
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Waiter, waiter! There's a mosquito in my soup. Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !
I say waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Well throw him a doughnut - they make fantastic life belts!
Waiter, waiter, this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner.
"Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my soup." "That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."
Waiter, waiter! There's a wasp in my dessert. So that's where they go to in the winter.
Customer: Do you have bacon and eggs on the menu: Waiter: No, we clean our menus regularly.
Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up? Waiter: They're afraid to eat here.
Customer: How long must I wait for that turtle soup I ordered? Waiter: Well, you know how slow turtles are.
Customer: I didn't order this. Waiter: I know, but your meal tastes worse.
Customer: I thought the meals here were supposed to be like mother used to make. Waiter: They are. She couldn't cook either.