Today jokes
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What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered.
What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce.
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed.
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice.
Q. Why did Mrs. Smokey the Bear divorce Smokey the Bear? A. Because every time she got hot, he'd beat her with a shovel!
Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank
Why don't lobsters share? They're shellfish.
Turtle to turtle: "Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer.