Today jokes
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What happens if you play tabletennis with a bad egg? First it goes ping, then it goes pong.
My brother's on a seafood diet. Really? Yes, the more he sees food the more he eats.
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. "I'll have fish and chips twice," he orders. "Sure, I heard you the first time," came the reply.
What's red and green and wears boxing gloves? A fruit punch.
Teacher: If you saw me standing by a witch, what fruit would it remind you of? Pupil: A pear.
First boy: She had a beautiful pair of eyes, her skin had the glow of a peach, her cheeks were like apples and her lips like cherries - that's my girl. Second boy: Sounds like a fruit salad to me.
Why did the teacher have her hair in a bun? Because she had her nose in a hamburger.
What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger.
When Lee ate raw onions for a week what did he become? Lone Lee.
Why are fried onions like a photocopy machine? They keep repeating themselves.