Today jokes
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before! Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!"
Golfer: "This golf is a funny game." Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."
What does a basketball player do before he blows out his candles? He makes a swish!
What part of a football pitch smells nicest ? The scenter spot !