Today jokes
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If athletes get athlete's foot, then what do astronauts get? Missile toe.
An astronaut in space was asked by a reporter, "How do you feel?" "How would you feel," the astronout replied, "if you were stuck here, on top of 20,000 parts each one supplied by the lowest bidder?"
What do astronauts put on their toast? Space Jam.
What do astronauts wear to bed? Space Jammies!
What do you call an alien surfing the Internet? e-t.
What do you call a sick extraterrestrial? An ailin' alien.
Two aliens landed their ship on a golf course and watched a young man golfing. First he hit it into the high grass, mumbling and cursing he retrieved his ball. Then he hit it into the sand bunker shouting curse words he retrieved the ball. Next he hit a perfect hole in one, then the first alien said to the second, "Uh-oh cover your ears he's going to be really mad now"!
A manager was being interviewed after he had resigned from a football club? "Were the crowd not behind you" asked the reporter "They were right behind me all right", said the manager, "But I managed to shake them off at the station!"
Why was the struggling mange seen shaking the club cat? To see if there was any more money in the kitty!
Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!