Today jokes
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What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ? You can't keep a good man down !
Who designed Noah's ark? An ark-itect !
Q. How do you make holy water? A. Boil the hell out of it.
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
How many cafeteria staff does it take to change a light bulb? "Sorry, we closed 18 seconds ago, and I've just cashed up."
How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it.
A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the Maitre'd that there will be at least a twenty minute wait. "Would you like to wait in the bar, Sir?", he says. The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?" The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist." The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time, there were FOUR little peegs . . . "
Why was the restaurant called "Out of this World"? Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects.
Jane's father decided to take all the family out to a restaurant for a meal. As he'd spent quite a lot of money for the meal he said to the waiter, "Could I have a bag to take the leftovers home for the dog?" "Gosh!" exclaimed Jane, "Are we getting a dog?"
Customer to friend: This is a wonderful restaurant. I ordered salad and I got the freshest salad in the world, I ordered coffee, and I got the freshest coffee in the world. Friend: I know - I ordered a small steak and got a calf.