Today jokes
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Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but they make great pets.
There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men: "don't" and "stop".
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice.
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!" "What's the problem, Eve?" "Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy." "Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above. "Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples." "Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you." "What's a 'man', Lord?" "This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack." "Sounds g reat," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition." "What's that, Lord?" "You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'"
If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and there is no women around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business.
Q: Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A: It changes their blood type.
Q. Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner? A. In the pages of a romance novel.
Q. Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many men? A. No phone numbers.