Today jokes
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Whats the difference between premenstrual tension and BSE? One's mad cow disease, the other's an agricultural problem.
Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.
How is a woman like a condom? Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Why does a bride smile when she walks up the aisle? She knows she's given her last blow job.
Whats the difference between a bitch and a whore? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you.
Whats the difference between your wife and your job? After 10 years, the job still sucks.
Whats the definition of love, true love, and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood. So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening. "A police car has just called at the Hamiltons' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex." Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright. "How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?" "Because their kid is standing on the balcony too."
A male market researcher was calling on homes on behalf of Vaseline. A woman answered the door."Do you use Vaseline?" asked the researcher. "Certainly," she said. "It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns." "And what about anything else?" he asked. "Like what?" He became embarrassed. "Well, sex, maybe." Oh, of course." she said. "I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out."