Today jokes
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It seems that a lawyer had a little bit too much to drink and on his way home rear-ended the car in front of him. The lawyer got out of his car, walked over to the driver of the other car and said, "Boy, are you in trouble. I'm a lawyer!" The driver looked out his window and said, "No, you're in trouble. I'm a judge."
Before a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, "You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers." The man thought for a moment. "What are peers?" he asked. "They're people just like you your equals." "Forget it," retorted the defendant. "I don't want to be tried by a bunch of thieves."
What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom? Answer: Odor, Odor in the court!!!
How is a judge like an English teacher? They both hand out long sentences.
What's big and hairy and climbs up the Empire State Building in a dress? Queen Kong.
How can you mend King Kong's arm if he's twisted it? With a monkey wrench.
If King Kong went to Hong Kong to play ping-gong and died, what would they put on his coffin? A lid.
What is as big as King Kong but doesn't weigh anything? King Kong's shadow.
What do you get if you cross King Kong with a watchdog? A terrified postman.
Who is the smelliest, hairiest monarch in the world? King Pong.