Today jokes
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What do you get if you cross a radio music presenter with Match of the Day ? DDDDDDDDDDDDDJ !
A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When asked why he transferred he replied, "The weather didn't agree with me."
An honest weatherman says, "Today's forecast is bright and sunny with an 80% chance that I'm wrong."
Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter.
Q: How many publishers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Three. One to screw it in and two more to hold down the editor.
Q: How many editors does it take to change a lightbulb? A: It was supposed to be in place last week!
The Judge asked the defendant, "Mr. Jones ,do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" "I do." "Now what do you say to defend yourself?" "Your Honor, under those limitations... nothing."
The judge said to his dentist: "Pull my tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth."
Judge: "Is it true that you owe your neighbor a thousand dollars?" Defendant: "Yes, it's true." Judge: "Then, why don't you just pay him back?" Defendant: "Because it wouldn't be true anymore."
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.