Today jokes
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A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks: "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home have a cup of tea and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth." The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."
A woman telephoned her local newspaper to let them know that she had just given birth to eighteen children. The reporter didn't quite hear the message and said, "Would you repeat that?" "Not if I can help it," replied the woman.
Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary. Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done.
Reporter: To what do you attribute your old age? Old Man: To the fact that I was born in 1890.
Reporter: What made you go out on that dangerous pond ice and risk your life to save a friend? Boy Hero: I had to do it. He had my skates on.
Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a pulitzer prize for reporting that Electric Company hired a lightbulb assassin to break the bulb in the first place.
Why did the nutty kid throw butter out of the window? He wanted to see a butterfly.
What do you get if you cross a sports reporter with a vegetable ? A common tater !
What do you get if you cross a newsreader and a toad ? A croaksman !
What do you get if you cross a ghost and a newsreader ? A spooksman !