Today jokes
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Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opener ? He had a bee in his suit of armour !
What do you call a bell wearing a tutu ? A bellerina !
Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmallow. When I woke up my pillow was gone !
Do you love me? Of course Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear Lemon meringue pie !
I'm not rich like Jack, don't have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin !
This morning I felt that today was going to be my lucky day. I got up at seven, had seven dollars in my pocket, there were seven of us at lunch and there were seven horses in the seven o'clock race - so I backed the seventh. Did it win? No, it came seventh.
What's the difference between a sigh, a car and a monkey? A sigh is oh, dear. A car is too dear. A monkey is you, dear.
Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Q: What's black, white and read all over? A: A newspaper.
What runs all day but never gets tired? Water.