New jokes
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First person: Do you know how to save five lawyers who are drowning? Second person: No. First person: Good!
Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear"? It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
How many lawyers does it take to grease a combine? Only one if you run him through slowly!
How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, how many orchards does it take for a lawyer?
If I had but one life to give for my country, it would be a lawyer's.
If you laid all the lawyers in the world head to foot around the Equator, then... Hey, come to think of it, that's not a bad idea.
In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients! When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."