New jokes
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My friend is so silly that he spent two weeks in a revolving door looking for the doorknob!
Sister: Why are you putting the saddle on backward ? Brother: How do you know which way I'm going ?
A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack. The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?" The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack." The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?" The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"
Why did Silly Sue throw her guitar away ? Because it had a hole in the middle.
Did you hear about the stupid Kamikaze pilot ? He flew 57 missions !
Why did the idiot have his sundial floodlit ? So he could tell the time at night !
How do you keep an imbecile happy all his life ? Tell him a joke when he's a baby !
Why did the Aggie call 911 in the car wash? - He thought he saw the rotating car washer as a tornado
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher."