New jokes
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A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4:30 p.m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury. The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited. After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well have the y got a verdict yet?" The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"
"How can I ever thank you?" gushed a woman to her lawyer, after he had solved her legal troubles. "My dear woman," lawyer replied, "Ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that easy question."
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him? A: It might be your bicycle.
Q. Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses? A. From chasing parked ambulances.
What do snakes write on the bottom of their letters? With love and hisses.
What's the definition of a school report? A poison pen letter from the principal.
Why did the young witch have such difficulty writing letters? She had never learned to spell properly.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers? Fang mail.
What's a zombie say when he gets a letter from his girlfriend? It's a dead letter day.
How does a ghost start a letter? Tomb it may concern.