New jokes
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A couple of hunters from Prague are out hunting, and an emormous bear runs up and in a single gulp devours one of the hunters. Miraculously, the swallowed hunter remained alive, trapped in the belly of the grizzly. The other hunter runs back to town and organizes a rescue party which heads back to the woods armed with torches, guns, spears, etc. Soon they spot two bears on the horizon and everybody starts shooting at the bear that's closest to them. "No, not that one," shouts the surviving hunter, "That's the female." "The Czech is in the male."
Fred: Do you think I'm a fool? Harry: No. But what's my opinion against thousands of others?
Did you hear about the fool who keeps going round saying "no"? No. Oh, so it's you!
A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. He was shown an especially fine one which he liked the look of, but he was puzzled by the two strings which were tied to its feet. "What are they for?" he asked the pet shop manager. "Ah well, sir," came the reply, "that's a very unusual feature of this particular parrot. You see, he's a trained parrot, sir, he used to be in the circus. If you pull the string on his left foot he says 'Hello' and if you pull the string on his left foot he says 'Goodbye'." "And what happens if you pull both strings at once?" "I fall off my perch, you fool!" screeched the parrot.
How does an idiot call for his dog? He puts two fingers in his mouth and then shouts Rover.
Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water? He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.
Did you hear about the village idiot buying bird seed? He said he wanted to grow some birds.
I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program. I really enjoyed it.
What do you get when you cross an idiot with a watch? A cuckoo clock.
Why did the idiot plant nickels in his garden? He wanted to raise some hard cash.