New jokes
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Phoning the florist to order some flowers for her lover's funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked what message she wanted on the card. "Message?" she sputtered. "Well, I guess, 'You will be missed."' Visiting the funeral home, she was pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that the card had her exact words: "I guess you will be missed."
Question: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? Answer: "Leave it to Beaver."
A man was sitting in the electric chair. The executioner said, "Look, I'm sorry but I'm going to have to throw the switch in a minute." The man said, "Do me a favor and throw it out the window!"
Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in.
Dentist begging the patient: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doc, it isn't all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don't want to miss the 4 o'clock ball game.
Patient: "It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth." Dentist: "I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."
"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy's tooth." "Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!" "Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office."
What does the dentist of the year get?...A little plaque.
Why did the dentist make a poor date with the manicurist? Because they fought both tooth and nail!
How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to administer the anaesthetic, one to extract the light bulb, and one to offer the socket some vile pink mouthwash.