New jokes
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Vampire 1: "I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died." Vampire 2: "How awful!" Vampire 1: "Yes. Fortunately, I found some in the neck of time."
I've been e-mailing William Shakespeare. William Shakespeare's dead, silly. No wonder he hasn't replied.
What is the last thing you eat before you die? You bite the dust.
What did the little kid do with the dead battery? He buried it.
What is posthumous work ? Something written by someone after they are dead !
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on ? Because he didn't want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket !
When a knight in armour was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave ? Rust in peace !
Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon ? Because he was dead !
What are you doing? I'm trying to call Washington! Oh, haven't you heard? He's dead!
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup ! Yes, it's the rotting meat that attracts them !