New jokes
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Policeman: Why were you asleep at the wheel? Motorist: Your siren lulled me to sleep.
Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing? Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round.
Policeman: Why were you speeding when I stopped you? Motorist: So I could race home to get my license and registration.
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Driver: I didn't want to be late for my trial.
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to get away from the crime scene.
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I was trying to get home before I ran out of gas.
Policeman: Why were you speeding? Motorist: I wasn't going to miss seeing myself on "America's Most Wanted."
Q: How many London taxi drivers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: What ? Go all the way up there and come back empty ? You must be jokin' mate !
Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six - One to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs. A: Two, one to screw in all the bulbs he has until he finds one that fits, and the other to tell you he thinks he'll have to replace the whole socket.
"Where's the car?" asked Professor Delbert's wife when he got home. "Did I take it out?" "Yes, you drove it to school this morning." "I suppose you're right, my dear. I remember now that after I got out, I turned to thank the man who gave me a lift and wondered where he'd gone."