All jokes
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A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, and a greasy little salesman runs up to him, and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!" The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?" "It's a special golf ball," says the salesman. "You can never lose it!" "Whattaya mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?" "No problem," says the salesman. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it." "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?" "Easy," says the salesman. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed." "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?" "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!" The golfer buys it at once . "Just one question," he says to the salesman. "Where did you get it?" "Ummm, I found it."
Golfer: "I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake." Caddy: "I doubt you could keep your head down that long."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break 100 on this course." Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Well, I have never played this badly before! Caddy: "I didn't realize you had played before, sir."
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Oh yes, sir! You miss the ball much closer than you used to."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time, caddy. It's distracting!" Caddy: "This isn't a watch, sir, its a compass!"
Golfer: "Caddy, do you think it is a sin to play golf on Sunday?" Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin any day of the week!"
Golfer: "This golf is a funny game." Caddy: "It's not supposed to be."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, caddy. It looks far too old." Caddy: "It's a long time since we started, sir."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Caddy: "Eventually."