All jokes
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Johnny comes back from school crying and says, "Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head." His mother replies, "No you don't Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings."
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. He wore it under his shirt and it was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest class in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. The classroom became a bit unruly and he admonished them. This happened several times. While working at his desk, the strong breeze from the window made his tie flap annoyingly. He kept rearranging and rearranging the tie as the class become more and more unmanageable. Finally, becoming disgusted with the wayward tie, he stood up and took a big stapler off his desk and stapled the tie to his chest in several places. Discipline was not a problem from that day forth.
Did you hear what happened when there was an epidemic of laryngitis at school? The school nurse sent everyone to the croakroom.
Teacher: Why do you want to work in a bank, Alan? Fred: 'Cuz there's money in it, sir.
Teacher: Didn't you know the bell had gone? Fred: I didn't take it, Miss.
What's the longest piece of furniture in the school? The multiplication table.
Teacher: What happened to your homework? Pupil: I made it into a paper plane and someone hijacked it.
School Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy." Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?
'I'm not going to school today,' Alexander said to his mother. 'The teachers bully me and the boys in my class don't like me.' 'Why ?' 'Firstly, you're 35 years old. Secondly, you're the principal.'
Boy to Friend: I'm sorry, I won't be able to go out after school. I promised Dad that I would stay in and help him with my homework.