All jokes
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The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.'"
What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary? An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
Did you hear about the fire in the rednecks library? Both the books got burned, and one hadn't even been coloured in yet.
How do you cook vegatables in the microwave ? Take them out their wheelchair.
What's blue and sings alone? - Dan Ackroyd.
Why did the janitor take early retirement? Because he realized that grime doesn't pay.
What kind of hair do oceans have? ...Wavy hair.
Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your grandma's bed? Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.
My mother-in-law has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of pancakes.
Q. Why do bakers work so hard? A. Because they need the dough